Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
