After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
