Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize