do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just pee around me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
