You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
