the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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