i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
