Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
