wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
