We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I look better un-naked...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
