I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
