Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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