she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
