i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize