Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
