She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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