If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
