just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i now understand why vodka
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
