its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
