You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize