You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
