I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
