Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
