The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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