everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
