Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
