i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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