This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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