You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
