So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she peed on how many people?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
