No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
