getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
