I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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