He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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