My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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