i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
