Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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