3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
