I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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