YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
soo... how was my night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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