my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
