I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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