Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
