My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
