this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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