He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
