Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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