I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
