mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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