dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
