Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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