I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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