we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Found the puke drawer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
