I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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