your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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