he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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