Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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