Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
