i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize