Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
