I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
