Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
