yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
