Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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