Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
