omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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