Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
