I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
