Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
