His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
