she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
