Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
