No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
