i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
