Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
