it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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