so let's talk penis.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
