K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
